Chapter 5 - A Roller Coaster of Improvement and Set Backs

 

Getting Stronger, But the Achiness Lingers, I Think

Although I was still feeling a comparable level of pain and discomfort, by early-February I started feeling a change.  I could feel muscles in and around my hip starting to change.  Sometimes a little tightness, sometimes soreness, sometimes fatigue.  I also started feeling some soreness on my left side.  I took that as a good sign because I assumed it meant my left side was getting stronger. Nevertheless, that achiness in my right side was still there and concerning. 

I was skeptical that I would ever be able to train for and complete a marathon. Did I have a hip labral tear that was going to signal the end of my long-distance running adventures?  Is it something I cannot fix myself?  I tucked away my skepticism, focused on the goal and went back to the Oracle.  

I searched for posts related to running with hip pain. I stumbled across an interesting web site by a guy named Maks Reznik.  Maks provides his opinions and advice in several fitness related topics.  The two topics that caught my interest are:

Why your hip labral tear diagnosis shouldn’t scare you 

WHY you get hip pain from running and WHAT to do about it

In both articles, Maks touches on the psychology of chronic pain and introduces the concept of our relationship with pain, or how we perceive pain.  He seems to say that sometimes the brain learns to interpret certain signals as pain. We begin to expect or anticipate pain, so therefore we have pain.  It’s our choice, through our relationship with pain, to decide how that pain effects our ability to perform. Part of his practice is an online course that incorporates both physical and mental aspects of dealing with pain.  I am tempted to pay for the course just to see the details of what he teaches.

In my next PT session after first coming across Maks’ website, my Physical Therapist asked, “so what do you think is keeping you from running?”  I said, “Fear of pain.”  The expression on her face, and the slight nod of her head, told me that she thinks I’m onto something.  I made a mental note that I need to learn more, or at least I need to let myself feel good, and not constantly scan my right side for pain.  Perhaps that is why I feel pain on my right side even though my left side is the weak side.

Presidents’ Day and Optimism

Presidents’ Day!  February 20, 2023. First steps out of bed were discouraging.  The same nagging discomfort and tightness.  But a few minutes later, while making coffee, I noticed that I didn’t feel that discomfort.  It was replaced with a sort of numbness for lack of better description.  Perhaps it was lack of pain, and my brain does not know how to process that.  Of course, as soon as I focused on it the aches returned.  It’s almost as though my brain is scanning my right side looking for any signal to translate into discomfort.  I need to look more into the psychology of chronic pain. I must have something unresolved in my subconscious that won’t allow me to be pain free.

I completed my PT exercises without feeling exhausted afterwards.  Interesting.  The difficult ones were just as challenging, but I had more energy.   So, I went out for a 5k Run/Walk with Cat.  Afterwards my right hip was sore, but the soreness was more on the side and in the glutes. I did some stretching and that provided some relief.  Upon waking from an unplanned nap on the couch, I noted that I was void of discomfort.  I laid there almost giddy and focused my attention on how pain free my hip was.  I didn’t want to move for fear that movement would elicit pain.  

When I finally did move, there was some tightness, perhaps a little ache, but both legs were tight and the discomfort on my right side was marginally more than the left.  This was amazing.  Was my consistency with my PT exercises finally paying off?  I was overwhelmed with optimism.  I know I still have a rollercoaster ride ahead of me.  But for this one afternoon I’m going to soak in the positive.

Optimism Did Not Last Long

The day after Presidents’ Day, my day of optimism, I cycled on the indoor trainer for 90 minutes.  I might have pushed the pace a few times during the ride, perhaps putting strain on my legs.  Afterwards, the optimism from the day before faded away.  The tightness and achiness returned.  Stretching relieved the tightness but the achiness persisted.

I’m still trying to stay positive, however. Presidents’ Day was a good day.  If I had a few of those days each week, I would call that improvement.  Let’s see what the next few days hold in store.

March Madness

Double entendre intended here.  I’m partly going mad on this roller coaster of achy – feeling stronger – achy – no pain – achy again.  And the NCAA Tournament is also upon us. 

After over 2 weeks of 90-minute PT exercise sessions every other day, with cycling or running on the other days, without a recovery day, I am ready for a break.  So off to Sedona, Arizona, we go for a week of hiking and exploring Sedona and the surrounding areas.  I’m going to take a break from the rigor of my exercise routine and just go with the flow.  It the opportunity presents itself,  I’ll do some of my PT exercises, but not with the rigor and intensity that I have been over the last few weeks.

I have experienced a roller coaster of sensations with my right hip.  At times it feels that same as it did 3 months ago, but then at other times it feels strong, with little to no discomfort. Sometimes I would feel tension in my glutes, and I could tell that the ache in my hip was caused by my glutes.  And I usually felt similar glute tension on my let side.  That was a positive, glutes are getting stronger and starting to take some of the strain off my labrum and/or FAI.  Many times I felt good enough that I could picture myself running a marathon.  But then hours later the nagging ache would return.

I am counting on a week in Sedona taking my focus off my hip.  Maybe I can find one of those energy vortexes and find peace with my hip and not let it run my life.